Chocolate Haze: The Next Morning

I woke up to a headache the next morning. And my mouth felt a little cottony. Three too many long island ice teas, I thought regretfully. Drinking wasn't something I often did. Especially long island ice teas. I made a mental note not to do that again anytime soon. Or ever. Then I dragged myself into my bathroom and gulped down a few aspirin with a glass of water. I brushed my teeth and my tongue and headed downstairs for an attempt at breakfast.

The smell of eggs and coffee made my stomach turn over a little so I grabbed some saltines from the cupboard, turned off the stove, and made my way quickly back to my bed to lay down for a few more hours.

Around noon I woke up again and felt much better. I ate some oatmeal and drank some orange juice and then grabbed my camera case and got to work sorting through wedding pictures. I had been at the wedding reception (and wedding) yesterday for my friend Callie because: a) we were roommates in college and b) I was an extremely cheap, i.e. free, photographer. I had actually been done taking pictures last night and already said goodnight to Callie and was about to leave when my empty stomach had propelled me towards the dessert table.

As someone who shoots photos at a lot of weddings and receptions, I have learned the hard way how many calories those amazingly good tasting appetizers and desserts have hidden in them and try not to eat at all when I am on the job. Sometimes I make it without eating anything and sometimes I cannot seem to escape without indulging. Last night was almost one of those nights that I was sucked into the dessert table black hole.

I tried to avoid thinking about the reason why I had avoided that temptation. Once I really began working on the photos, which I had uploaded from the memory cards to my computer, I did forget about Nick. Cropping and editing all the photos and picking out the best ones for Callie and her new husband, Brad, was engrossing and I spent the rest of the afternoon working on it.

Finally, I had a good collection of 200 images that I posted to my website under the password I had selected for their wedding. I sent Callie an email telling her how wonderful the wedding had been and what a beautiful bride she was, sent her the password to access the online album, and asked her to pick out the ones she wanted me to make actual photos of and put in her wedding photo album. I knew she and Brad were going on a cruise for their honeymoon and so I didn't expect to hear back from her soon about the photos but I knew I had captured some great shots and that she would love the photos of the wedding. I felt the satisfaction of a job well done.

Chocolate Haze: The Escape

Before I had too long to consider how mortified I should be at my traitorous body and to see if my plan to annoy Nick into leaving me alone would work, I heard a high pitched scream and crash as one of the giggly blonde's high heels introduced itself to the chocolate fondue sauce that I had not yet had a chance to clean up from the floor. I had forgotten all about her and the accident that I had seen coming, meant to head off, but didn't, due to my slight distraction with Nick.

Luckily the fall wasn't too terrible. She fell on her behind and seemed to actually enjoy the attention she was getting from the fall, allowing bald tattoo guy to help her up and support her over to a nearby table where she played up her ankle "injury" for all it was worth. He was so totally into the helpless, vulnerable female thing that I was sure this fall had helped her more than it had physically hurt her.

Nick was also distracted by the crash, and moved towards her in an instinctive response to help. It was all the distraction I needed to hightail it out of there. Which I did. By the time he turned around to where I had been, I was sliding out a side door that was out of his view. I rushed to my car, climbed in and drove quickly away before he could burst out of the reception looking for me. I didn't know why he had wanted to see me alone, other than the obvious physical attraction we still shared for each other, and I decided I didn't really want to know.

Of course, saying that to myself and convincing my brain of that were two different things and my thoughts kept drifting back to him as I drove the hour and a half it took to get home. Only the grumbling of my very empty and very hungry stomach allowed me to finally become distracted from thoughts of him and what he had wanted. The minute I walked in the door to my cozy little house I set everything down and moved straight to the kitchen to fix myself a real meal. No matter how much the end of my relationship with Nick had hurt me in the past, I could at least be grateful that his unexpected appearance at my friend's wedding reception had prevented me from gorging on chocolate fondue.

In fact, an hour later, with a full belly of salmon, sweet potato, and broccoli, I was even able to lay down and fall right asleep with no lingering thoughts of him. Amazing what a good meal can do for your mood I thought as I was drifting off. Well, that and a few long island ice teas, I would have thought if I was being honest with myself or had stayed awake long enough to think that. Blissful unconsciousness took over and made me it's best friend for the night instead.

Chocolate Haze: Descent into Hell (er, Embarassment)

"Nicky!" I squealed in fake delight. He beamed back at me while wiping off the dark chocolate sauce from his cheek absentmindedly and licking it slowly off his gorgeous finger. He appeared to be staring at me with not a little bemusement. "Nicky?" He said questioningly as he pushed closer to me than I wanted. "I really need to see you in private." He whispered into my ear, the feathery caress of his breath making me tingle all over. "After what you did to me?!" I whispered back, not wanting to make a scene, ok, well, not more of a scene than I had already made with the strawberry fondue fiasco.

People had stared and gasped or snickered, as they saw fit, at the visions that appeared before them when my ill-fated fondue dipped strawberry launched itself into (and off of) Nick's cheek not more than a few seconds ago. It was still laying a few inches away from us, on the tiled floor near the dessert table. In fact, some giggly little blonde slip of a woman in five inch heels and a size zero dress that appeared to have been made from a small black silk scarf, was currently walking towards it, while talking to an older man who looked ridiculous with his not so unnoticeable toupee, ripped jeans, tight blue t-shirt, and tattoo of barbed wire that circled his upper right arm, just noticeable under the t-shirt sleeve. I assumed he had money, the way she was fawning over him and laughing at his not so amusing jokes. I started to say something to her, opting to be the better person and not let my instant dislike of her stop me from doing the right thing, but Nick chose that moment to caress the back of my neck with his thumb. I turned quickly back to gaze into his eyes, my senses overcome by the sight and smell of him and the amazing feel of his touch.

"Nick..." I gasped, feeling a little punch drunk on the hormone rush that was currently overpowering me. He grinned back at me. "That's more like it." He said with, what I swear was, a low growl of manly pleasure at my obvious response to his charms. "Now that I have your attention again, kitten, I need to see you alone. Immediately." He demanded, his voice turning quiet again, so low that I was sure I was the only one who could even hear it.

"Nicky, this is not really the time or place," I began, a little too breathlessly for my own tastes. What den of inequity had I unwittingly entered today? Obviously, my body was not willing to cooperate with me in any way today, lusting after both the fondue and Nick, even when I had mentally told it in no uncertain terms that neither were on the menu. The only way to fend him off, I decided, was to annoy him by continuing to call him Nicky, a nickname I knew he hated.

Chocolate Haze

Dark chocolate and grand marnier mixed together to create a heavenly scent. Said scent was currently drifting up my nostrils in sensuous wisps of devilish temptation. I inched closer to the fondue pot and the plates filled with strawberries, bananas, and pound cake. I am not here for this, I am not here for this, I repeated over and over again in my head in a hopeless mantra.

In slow motion I saw myself lifting up a strawberry on a fondue stick, dipping it unwillingly in the fondue, and plunging it towards my traitorously willing mouth. I was startled by a sudden shout in my ear and turned quickly, my chocolate draped strawberry shooting off the fondue stick and directly into the amused face of Nicholas Stuart, my annoyingly good looking ex-boyfriend.

Sore Soar

Playing in the wilderness
Hiking through the woods
Miles to go
Blisters rising
Sore

Sunlight peaking from the clouds
Filtering through the branches
Highlighting freckles
And blue sparkles under lash

Laughter trickling
Away from his mouth
Incandescent smile
Captures my heart
Soar

Baby Steps to Mindfulness?

I am writing this blog entry as I listen to Jon Kabat-Zinn's CD, Mindfulness for Beginners. I have tried to listen to it before (three times) and I keep falling asleep so now I am trying to listen to it while I blog. I know this totally goes against the whole concept of mindfulness, but I am going with the theory that some is better than none. I do catch certain things he is saying. But now my dog is barking at the wild bunnies in our yard and I smell the Chinese food we had for dinner still lingering in the air. Crab Rangoon. I think I missed something he said. All I hear is "blah, blah, blah" on the CD. Actually, focusing back in on the CD, he is now talking about our awareness and the different things we could be aware of that we are often not aware of on an everyday basis. Argh. Maybe I should try reading the book instead of listening to the CD. His voice is putting me to sleep again, even as I am blogging. I guess this is good that he has a soothing voice as you would not want someone in charge of a stress reduction clinic to have a grating, stress inducing voice. I think I will stop the CD now and focus on this picture I took and be mindful of how much I appreciate the beauty of nature and visualize myself in the botanical gardens sitting in the field filled with these flowers.......zzzzzzz

Paris, je t'aime!

The crusty breads, the chocolate, the people, the music, the art, the atmosphere....for all these reasons, not the least of which is Angelina's hot chocolate with whipped cream, I do love you Paris!