Chocolate Haze: It's all about the car....really.

"Ummm, yeah." I said coherently. "I am here because you said you needed me and, regardless of how much it pains me, I care about your needs still." I said to him.

He grinned. "I didn't exactly say I needed you. I said I needed to talk to you." He told me.

Such an ass, I thought. "Look, I'm sorry I ran off. What did you need to talk to me about?" I asked him in as pleasant a voice as I could muster under the circumstances.

He walked off without replying. Back towards his house. I knew I deserved that. I trailed after him. I looked back at my car. Did I really want to leave it out here and come back for it? My baby that I spent years saving for and hours lovingly washing and waxing? Not a chance. I went back to my car, revved it up and pulled up next to him. "Get in" I commanded. He looked at me like I was crazy. And kept walking. So I drove to his house, got out of my car and leaned against it, and waited for him in the driveway. I battled my feelings for the 10 minutes it took him to walk back. I really wanted to run, get in my car and run (or drive) as fast as possible away from him. I battled my demons and forced myself to stay put. We really did need to talk.

Chocolate Haze: Denial denied

I love driving around and discovering new places. Driving out in the country and imagining living in one of the houses I find occasionally, set back from the road, with an inviting covered porch and a cute dog or two in the yard. So that is how I found myself driving along some back roads, intrepidly exploring the great outdoors from the comfort of my portable air conditioning unit, otherwise known as Big Bertha, aka my sweet little silver lilac Audi Quattro TT. I stopped occasionally to take shots of some of the wild flowers, cows, and horses that dotted the landscape and inhale the sweet smell of honeysuckle, clean air, and, sometimes, cow manure. It gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling to be out in the countryside. I didn't grow up in the country but it was like a homecoming for me, being out here. Maybe some sort of an instinctual, cellular level connection to the earth.

So there I was, driving around, feeling connected to nature and my higher self, and feeling pretty high on life when I stopped to take some shots of a run down barn surrounded by a field of wild flowers and then it happened.

I was focused on a shot of a butterfly landing on one of the flowers, adjusting my lens for the shot, when I heard a voice. Next to my ear. Whispering softly like a warm caress. "Fancy this then, running into you way out here" the voice said, "it's almost too good to be true."

It took a second for me to realize that it was not just a daydreamed voice, but an actual person who had managed to move up next to me whilst I was otherwise occupied, and was whispering in my ear. Maybe the first clue to that was that it was an actual warm caress, as his breath came out hot against my neck as he spoke to me.

I felt an involuntary tingle race through my body. And sighed. "Hi Nick," I said.

"You always do insist on doing things on your own time and in your own way, don't you?" He whispered back, still right next to my ear. I had not yet turned to face him as I had gotten my shot and was focusing on another shot. I was hoping that if I did not see him then he wasn't really real.

"Princess...." He said in a frustrated whisper, "Look at me." And then rubbed the back of my neck with his thumb again, his tried and true way to get through to me. I knew without looking that he was smiling that sexy crooked smile when he felt me tremble beneath him. Yeah, he knew he still had what it took to turn me into a hormone filled pile of mush.

"I ought to wear a gas mask around you," I muttered, "your pheromones are toxic."

He laughed out loud at that. And that's when I turned my head to the side to look at him, as he was lit up smiling and laughing and looked like his undeniably gorgeous, lady killer self. Damn. When will I learn, I thought.

"Soooo....." he said, "what brings you out to my neck of the woods?" I sighed again. I really was horrible at keeping my resolutions. I had resolved to never see him again voluntarily but here I was out near his farm house, on the edge of his property, taking pictures.

Chocolate Haze: Denial

Since I had nothing else pressing after working on the photos, I thought about what I should do for the rest of the day. Maybe a hike in a local state park? Maybe the mall. Maybe an online poker tournament? Hey, don't judge. I was good at it! Damn good! Don't hate on me for that. Just because I only played free tournaments and had only made it as high as 11th in a tournament didn't mean I couldn't kick some ass at a World Poker Tournament. I was saving the money for the entry fee. Those poker champs were lucky I wasn't already entered into a tournament, due to lack of funds. I would so totally kick their asses!

Yeah. But, since I had no money for that, I thought about what else I could do since the hike and the mall just didn't seem to be interesting to me at the moment. I finally decided on a nice drive. I loved to drive and it helped to clear my head. Which needed some clearing right now, believe you me, what with all this Nick stuff happening!

Nick. I found my mind wandering as I got ready to head out for my drive. If only he had not done what he did to me....I mean, asking me to marry him. I had to cut the ties for that. So sad since I had been so in love with him.